shojen shogun

[fredlive]

Name: Shojen Shogun
Age: 14
Rank: student
Village: Konoha
Appearance: dark skined,black hair,scar on his left eye,wears black pants and shirt and a red vest, carries a sword called Kusunagi
History: Shojen is in the main Branch on the shogen clan his mother died in the great ninja war. Shojen has a brother and a sister they are triplets
Personality: kind, friendly, shy, courages
Jutsu: Draco rasen no jutsu,summoning jutsu,shadow clone,Fire dragon missile,Flame dragon jutsu,Chidori,Cursed Seal jutsu,Phoenix flower jutsu, Grand fire jutsu, Dragon flame jutsu

[tenten]

Okay, a few things wrong here...

1) Please try to use correct grammar, use periods and commas in the right place. Also capitalize the words that need to be capitalized.

2) You could probably do for a bit of a more descriptive apperance. Afterall, this is all we have to know what you look like.

3) Please, try to make at least a paragraph worth of history. I see you sig says 'i will become the best student and i will become the hokage' yet is says nothing about any of that in your history. Maybe give us a bit more insight to his past, and what he is doing now in the present.

4) As for jutsu, the Cursed Seal Jutsu is strictly forbidden for an academy student. What is Draco Rasen no jutsu? If you have a summon please explain it in the history. Shadow Clones are also forbidden to academy students. Naruto is the only one who knows it, now other student has learned it unless you give a reason in your history. And lasty no Chidori!! Sasuke, Kakashi, and Itachi are the only ones who know this jutsu, if you want to know it, you better have a plauseable reason for how he knows it.

5) If your character is part of a made up clan, please describe it in your history as well.

Please correct this please.

Tenten