Area Two- Snowy Mountains

[Kidate]

The magestic mountains rise high in the air, obsuring the view of the night sky. It's a new moon, and a thin layer of clouds are quickly covering the stars. With the thick trees creating a deep blanket. In short, the only light amoung the forest and thick snow is that of lanturns or of ninjutsu.

The thin layer of clouds drop yet more snowflakes, the new power only increasing the overal slipperyness of the rocky slopes. Balance is key in this training area, bordering on the edge of Earth Country. A harsh area, in which survival is key, has become another training facility for the strongest of the shinobi.

[Hiro]

''Ahhh great,i'm fighting a jounin of all people,well,all i can do now is try my best,right''Hiro says with a slight hint of doubt but,also a little confidence.Hiro stands firmly in a fighting position black eyes staring strait into Kurinshi's,a slight breeze rolls in through the open windows,Hiro's red hairs gently moves with the wind then back in place.Still looking in Kurinshi's eyes he says ''Well your the jounin you start''Hiro says confidently,obiviously he must of gotten in a fighting mood,he swiftly grabs a kunai and holds firmly in hand.

[kurinshi]

''Well the little squrt has spoken,i will attack,you should be afraid'' Kurinshi says very confidently,slightly cocky.::sigh::''I'll end it quickly,seeing as he is only a genin''Kurinshi thought,then does several hand signs ''water style:exploding water shocwave''a large amount of water shoots out of Kurinshi's mouth,soon there was so much it was unbelievable.Kurinshi locks on to Hiro,using his chakara to run on water he charges at Hiro with two kunai at hand,one was an explosive kunai,he throws the explosive kunai at Hiro.


''What are you going to do kid,your totally out matched,im going to beat to quickly''he says loudly,then also moving very fast to use his agillity to his advatage.

[Hiro]

''hmmm this is annoying,hes my exact oppisite,how am supposed to beat him and hes a jounin, give me break'' Hiro jumps out of the way of the kunai.''I still remember what happened last time, i cant use all of my chakara at once, but what other choice do i have''Hiro thought, his gaze went strait toward his sword ''this sword might be able to block some of his attacks''Hiro draws his sword,he now has emotions of excitement but also the fear of losing.

''hes fast i'll have to slow him down......fire style:pheonix flower jutsu''8 big balls of fire come from Hiro's mouth,he also throws 8 explosive kunai inside of them.''i'll get him this time.

[kurinshi]

BOOM....poof,it was a water clone''It's time to end this i've already waisted enough time playing around''A clone appears behind Hiro,the clone does several hand signs and says,''water style:water prison jutsu''the real Kurinshi appears about 7 feet away from Hiro ''you did not think you would beat me did you'' Kurinshi begin laughing then he undoes the exploding water shocwave jutsu.

[Hiro]

''No''Hiro says fretfully,he struggles trying to move.

(sorry could not think of anything to say)

[kurinshi]

''This battle is good as done but, their should be some fun,right,Hiro.....water style:exploding water shocwave jutsu''the water once again covers over arena and since Hiro is in the prison he cant escape......''GAME OVER KIDDO''

[Hiro]

........poof...a clone''didnt exspect that did you'' Hiro now feeling pumped and ready to kill Kurinshi.He appears about 4 feet away from Kurinshi ''fire style:dragon flame bomb''''well thats the last of my chakara''he thought''a long stream of fire came from Hiro's mouth in the shape of a dragon headed strait for Kurinshi.''DIE'

[kurinshi]

''You have a one track mind dont you kid''Kurinshi smiles,using his speed he easily dodged and appeared behind Hiro,then Kurinshi wrapped his body around Hiro's and put a kunai to his neck. [sorry im not typing alot]


(my bro said he gives up,i think its because he already got killed once]

[Kidate]

Kidate jumped out from the shadows, grabbing onto Kurinshi's neck and pulling him off the genin. "Okay, boys, time for your grading."

(Hah! Being the teach let's me godmod here! *dances*)

Okay, here you go.

Hiro: Awful- I'm sorry to say, you got the awful marking. Now, I really hate to give this rating, but it's kinda nessassary. For one, you gave no insight to the character itself. Every sentence was 'Hiro did this' or 'Hiro did that'. Give some character thoughts, and show the personality of Hiro. It's not all about the action. You did a bit of this in the first post, but it wasn't near enough. Plus, you didn't interact with the envirometn at all. It's pitch black, and trees are blocking the path all over the place. What should Hiro feel about this? And never, I repeat, NEVER only post one sentence. It's one of the most irritating things you can do. Not only that, but you need to work a good deal on your grammar. Periods are good, but the space bar is even better. And, don't use a comma to omit all words- occasionally you can use it. I'd ask your English teacher about what you can and what you can't. But, fear not, because you show a lot of potential. Take a few more lessons, maybe a one on one with Kidate, and you should become great!

Kurinshi: Awful- Same for you, Kurinshi. The space bar and apostrophes are your friends. You too didn't give any thoughts or emotions to your character, minus a speck of arrogence. You also didn't interact with everything around you. Even a jounin has trouble if they can't see. You also didn't type near enough. But, a session or two and you, like your brother, will be flying strait and doing great.

Okay, I wanna have a private session with both of you. If you agree, I'll take you down and show you all the ropes. Seriously, once you get in the habit, it get's a lot easier. Taking a good couple of minutes never hurt anyone! Heck, the Hokage Kaji spends about half an hour on each post!

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but it's nessassary that we work out the kinks, no?